Telekinesis

Good Evening. I have not blogged for a week or so, so here is a dusty, old thing from the The Great Boberic Archives!

Stranger: yo
You: Good evening Sir.
You: What is your name?
You: OH SHIT!
Stranger: ?
You: WE DON'T HAVE TIME!
Stranger: ?
You: WE MUST LEAVE!
Stranger: mmmm kay
You: Just touch my left shoulder to continue.
You: IT'S COMING!
Stranger: *touches left shoulder
You: We have no time for dilly dallying.
You: Finish the action Sir!
You: It is not fully enclosed!
Stranger: *touches left shoulder!*
You: *The Gentleman (me) and the Thief (you) dissapear from sight*
You: *they reappear in a small cave*
You: We shall be safe here.
Stranger: omg ur dumbledorf
You: No Sir. I am The Great Boberic.
You: Now then. Why did you steal my Monocle?
Stranger: i stole it bcause i have bad isight
You: I see. Well may i have it back?
Stranger: if i can have a monocle that is not yours
You: I shall forge you one!
You: Now hand over my Monocle!
Stranger: WIN!
Stranger: *hands over monocle!*
You: *puts on monocle*
You: That's much better.
You: Now then Sir. About that monocle!
Stranger: it is very dank and smelly in this cave
You: Would you like one of such great power as mine?
You: The cave is not of importance!
Stranger: i would be very much pleased to have one of such great importance
You: Of importance or of power, Sir?
Stranger: of importance yes!
You: Ok then Sir.
You: *raises right hand*
You: Are you ready?
Stranger: YES SIR!!!
Stranger: monocle where is?
You: *Lifts up the Thief with Great Gentlemanly Telekineses*
You: Now then.
Stranger: i am in air why sir?
You: Time to FORGE *lightening shatters outside* *thunder roars*
You: *Locates Thiefs left rib using Great Gentlemanly Telekineses*
You: *Rips out left rib using Great Gentlemanly Telekineses*
Stranger: OWWWWWWWW!
You: Don't worry about the pain.
You: It shall soon subside.
You: *Uses Gentlemanly Aura to heal Thief*
You: There we go Sir.
Stranger: aura feels sensational
You: *Lifts rib into the air*
You: *Bends rib into a perfect circle*
You: *Rips out thiefs left eye using Great Gentlemanly Telekineses*
Stranger: OMG MY EYE!!!

You: *Attatches eye to rib*
You: *Uses Gentlemanly Aura to heal Thief*
Stranger: y thank yous
You: *Creates invisible link from Thiefs eye back to Thiefs brain*
You: Now you should be able to see again.
You: Is that correct Sir?
Stranger: you are very kind sir
You: Good.
You: We are not done yet!
Stranger: o rly?
You: We still need a chain to connect the monocle to your pocket!
Stranger: we could use hair lined with platinum
You: *Rips out all of the Thiefs pubic hairs*
You: They will never grow back Sir.
You: But i'm sure you are fine with such a sacrifice.
Stranger: idk if that is good or bad
Stranger: i am willing kind si
Stranger: r
You: This is after all, a MONOCLE OF IMPORTANCE!
Stranger: O YES!!
You: *Creates a chain out of Thiefs pubic hair*
You: *Strengthens pubic hair using Great Gentlemanly Waistcoat*
Stranger: of platinum?
You: *Attatches Chain to Monocle*
You: NO!
You: How dare you question me!
You: *Lifts Thief into air*
You: Do
You: NOT
You: FUCK
Stranger: I APOLOGIZE PROFUSELY

You: WITH
You: ME!!!!
You: I
You: AM
You: THE
You: GREAT
You: BOBERIC!!!!
You: *Slams thief into cave wall*
You: wall*
Stranger: o great boberic please me forgive
You: *Puts Thief down*
Stranger: gracias
You: Lets hope you don't step out of line again Sir.
Stranger: SIR YES SIR!
You: *Hands over Monocle to Thief*
You: There you go.
Stranger: why thank you for this monocle of great importance!!
Stranger: a gift from the great boberic!!
You: Attatch it to your Waistcoat then!
Stranger: *attach to waistcoat with gentle manliness*
You: Wonderful*
You: !
You: Now then.
You: Thief.
You: What shall we do about your..... discrepancies?
Stranger: discrepancies? that is a big word my kind sir
You: You stole from me you little shit.
Stranger: I APOLOGIZE GREATLY!!! I SHALL NEVER STEAL AGAIN!!!
You: You are right about that Thief!
You: *Creates a gentlemanly cage around Thief*
You: You will notice the cage is rather large.
You: Now, i wonder.
You: What else could possibly fit in there?
You: Any guesses?
Stranger: LIONS AND TIGERS AND BEARS O MY!
You: Not quite!
You: *Summons the mighty Rancor into the cage*
You: *Rancor lunges at Thief*
You: *Halts Rancor using Gentlemanly Telepathy*
You: You are safe.
You: For now.
You: Now then.
Stranger: I AM FOREVER IN YOUR DEBT
You: What have you got to offer me for your survival?
Stranger: Well I have gold, and some embroidered handkerchiefs, and this monocle of grate importance
You: I need your secrets, not petty treasures!

*Rancor smashes Thief across the jaw, sending him sprawling across the cage*
Stranger: i have secrets o yes i do!
Stranger: lots of secrety secrets just for you!
Stranger: Well
Stranger: lets see
Stranger: there is a lady
Stranger: with such a great
Stranger: bosom
You: This should be good...
You: You BORE ME!
Stranger: that lives in a palace of greeat luxury
Stranger: and she loves gentlemen
You: *Rancor rips the Thiefs lower legs away from the rest of his body*
Stranger: especially BOBERIC!!!
You: You think I can't get women!
You: FOOL!
Stranger: especially boberic!!

Stranger: i no can type
Stranger: why can no i type
Stranger: HELLO!!!!!
You: I've had enough of this tomfoolery!
You: *Summons Noble Tortoise*
Stranger: MY MASTER OF THEIVERY HAS MANY GREAT TREASURE FOR UUU!
You: *Steps up onto Noble Tortoise*
Stranger: i can type agian btw
You: I bid thee good day fool!
Stranger: I can tell u the secret of how ninjas and theives are so fast!
You: I hope you and the Rancor enjoy eachothers company!

*laughs maniacly*
Stranger: Monocle of great importance stuns Rancor!
Stranger: *Rancor is stunned*
You: *Rides into distance on Noble Tortoise* *Releases Rancor from its mental restraints*
You: *Rancor recovers*
You: *rancor rips off Thiefs Lower JAW!
You: *
Stranger: uses theifly skills to punch Rancor *Critical hit!!!*
You: *Thief is unable to talk*
You: *Rancor mauls thief to little pieces*
You: *Rancor picks up Monocle Of Importance*
You: *Rancor puts on Monocle*
You: *Rancor transforms into a GIANT TOBLERONE*
You: *Giant Toblerone dissapears from view*
You: *Cave melts*
Stranger: *theif thinks HOLY SHIT*
You: *Thief is dead*
You have disconnected.